How Can I Feel Like Myself Again After Becoming a Mom? A Body-First Guide to Matrescence

The first time I went to a regular yoga class after having my baby, I thought I would feel free. My husband was at home with the baby. I had my mat, a few friends and a coffee planned for afterward. It was my first class in months that wasn't a postnatal class.

And my body felt weird.

When I introduced myself to the teacher, I didn't mention my baby, and that felt strange. Like leaving out the most important thing about me. Afterward, we walked into the café and I didn't need to look for a table with room for a stroller. My arms felt odd without someone in them. I honestly couldn't figure out how to sit.

I wasn't sad. I was happy to be there. I just didn't feel like me, or at least not the me I remembered.

If you have ever asked yourself, "How can I feel like myself again?", I want you to know two things right away. You are not alone, and you are not doing it wrong. And the way back often doesn't start in your head. It starts in your body.

Why you don't feel like yourself after becoming a mom

There is a name for what you are going through: matrescence. Anthropologist Dana Raphael coined the term in 1975 to describe the transition into motherhood. It is a lot like adolescence. Your body changes, your hormones shift, your brain rewires, and your relationships, priorities and sense of who you are all reorganize at the same time.

Nobody expects a teenager to wake up one morning and feel exactly like they did at eight years old. Yet we often expect moms to bounce back to who they were before the baby, and then we feel like we're failing when we can't.

You're not failing. You're changing.

And you are far from the only one. In a survey of 2,000 people by PANDA, the Australian perinatal mental health organization, 62% said they had lost part of their identity after becoming a mother.

Your nervous system is stuck in survival mode

Think about what a normal day asks of your body. Broken sleep. Someone touching you, needing you or calling you almost all the time. A mental load that never fully switches off. Your nervous system reads all of this as "stay alert," and it stays alert.

When your body is busy keeping everyone safe and fed, there is very little space left to ask, "Who am I now?" That is why advice like "find a new hobby" or "make time for yourself" can feel impossible. It's not that you don't care about yourself. Your body hasn't had the chance to feel safe enough to look up.

Far from home, it can feel even bigger

If you are raising children in Brussels or anywhere far from family, you may be doing all of this without a village. Maybe in a second or third language, and with a whole new culture of doctors, schools and "how things are done here." It makes sense if you feel a little lost. You have changed, and so has everything around you.

You are not imagining it, either. In the 2024 State of Motherhood in Europe survey by Make Mothers Matter, Belgium reported the highest rates of maternal burnout and perinatal depression of the 12 countries surveyed. And while matrescense isn't a mental health condition, this is a sign that mothers may not be getting the support they need here.

You are still you, just a new version of you

Here is what I really want you to know. You are still you. You are just a different version of you, the same way you were still you after adolescence.

Some parts of you have grown bigger. Maybe your patience, your fierceness, your ability to function on very little sleep. Other parts have gotten smaller for now, like spontaneity, quiet mornings or that hobby you loved. And some have evolved into something new. But the you that is you is still there.

So the goal isn't to go back to the woman you were before. It's to come back home to yourself, as you are now.

It can happen again and again

Matrescence doesn't end at your baby's first birthday. Many moms tell me they felt fine in the baby years, and then felt lost when their child started school, became a preteen or needed them in a completely new way.

That's normal. Every time your child moves into a new developmental stage, you move into one too. So if your kids are nine or fifteen and you are only now wondering where you went, you haven't missed your chance. This is part of the same journey.

What I see in moms who don't feel like themselves

When a mom comes to a class, a coaching session or yoga therapy and tells me she doesn't feel like herself anymore, I can often see it before she says a word.

• Rounded, forward shoulders. Her body has been curling around a baby, a feeding, a phone, a to-do list, for months or years.
• She can't sit still. Her body is still on alert, scanning for the next thing she needs to do.

This isn't a flaw or a lack of willpower. It's a body that has been working very hard to take care of everyone else.

The first thing that helps is simply to name it. "I don't feel like myself right now, and that makes sense." Naming it takes away some of the shame and lets your body stop pretending everything is fine.

The second thing that helps is gentle movement. In my classes, we usually start with child's pose.

4 body-first practices to feel more like yourself again

These practices take five minutes or less. You can do them with your kids in the room, and they might even join you. This isn't a to-do list. It's a soft place to land. Pick the one that feels most inviting today.

1. Child's pose with belly breathing

Kneel on the floor with your knees together or apart and your big toes touching. Fold forward and rest your forehead on the floor, a cushion or your stacked fists. Let your arms rest long in front of you or alongside your body.

Now breathe slowly into your belly, so you can feel it press gently against your thighs. Make your exhale a little longer than your inhale. Stay for 5 to 10 breaths.

Child's pose gently opens the back of your body and lets those rounded shoulders soften. The slow belly breath sends a message to your nervous system: you can rest for a moment, as does the forward folding. If you are pregnant or recovering from a C-section, keep your knees wide and use a pillow under your chest.

2. Shake it out (or dance)

Stand up and start shaking your hands. Then your arms, your shoulders, your legs, and finally your whole body. Keep going for 30 to 60 seconds. Or put on one song you love and dance, alone or with your kids.

Shaking and dancing help your body move the stress it has been holding. As Emily and Amelia Nagoski explain in their book Burnout, movement is one of the most effective ways to complete the stress cycle. It also brings back a little play, which is often the first thing moms lose.

3. Breath of joy

Stand with your feet hip-width apart and your knees soft. Breathe in through your nose in three short sips:

• On the first sip, swing your arms forward up overhead.
• On the second sip, open your arms out to the sides.
• On the third sip, reach your arms up overhead.

Then exhale with an open-mouthed "ha" as you bend your knees, fold forward and let your arms swing down. Repeat 3 to 6 times, then stand still and notice how you feel.

Breath of joy is energizing and a little silly, in the best way. If you are pregnant, feel dizzy or have high blood pressure, make the movements smaller, skip the forward fold and come up slowly.

4. Lion's breath, with your whole body

Sit on your heels or on a chair. Spread your fingers wide like claws and rest your hands on your knees. Breathe in through your nose. Then open your mouth wide, stick out your tongue, look up and breathe out with a loud "haaa." Let your whole body join in: press your hands into your knees, lean forward and roar it out. Repeat 3 times.

Lion's breath releases tension in your face, jaw and chest, and it gives your body permission to let out what you've been holding in. Kids love it, so this one is great to do together.

How to use these practices

• Choose one practice and try it once a day for a week.
• Link it to something you already do, like after school drop-off or before you look at your phone in the evening.
• Afterward, take one breath and ask yourself, "What do I need right now?" You don't have to act on the answer. Just listen.

Over time, these small moments of feeling your body again become small moments of feeling like yourself again.

When it's more than matrescence

Feeling lost in motherhood is common, and body-first support helps many moms. But sometimes what you're feeling is more than matrescence. Postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety and other mental health conditions are common and treatable, and they deserve real care.

Please reach out for more support if:

• You can't make yourself do anything, even things you need or want to do.
• You feel sad most or all of the time.
• You can't relax at all, even when you finally have the chance.
• You have thoughts of harming yourself or someone else.

Start with your GP, your midwife or your gynecologist. In Belgium, the Community Help Service runs a 24-hour helpline in English at +32 (0)2 648 40 14. If you are thinking of harming yourself or someone else, call 112 right away.

Coaching and yoga therapy are not therapy, and they are not a replacement for medical care. They can work alongside it, and if I believe you need more support than I can offer, I'll tell you.

You don't have to find your way back alone

Feeling like yourself again doesn't mean becoming the woman you were before. It means getting to know who you are now, starting with the body that has carried you through all of it.

If this sounded like you, start with my free guide, What No One Told You About Becoming a Mother. It explains matrescence in plain language and helps you understand what is really happening, so you can stop wondering what's wrong with you.

And if you would love a full day to slow down and reconnect, join me for the Come Back to Yourself 1-Day Retreat on Saturday 20 March 2027 in Brussels. It's for all moms, whether your children are babies or teenagers, and there are only 10 spots.

You are not failing. You're changing. And you deserve support, too.